I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
