Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
