guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
