Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
