Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
