I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize