The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
