I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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