3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
