ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
