You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
