why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
