she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
