I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
