The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
