So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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