All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
