and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
