i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
