just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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