I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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