Are my feet made of real feet?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
