i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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