Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
