I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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