Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
