Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
