Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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