I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
