I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
