thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
