I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
