Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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