apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
