she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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