Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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