Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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