I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
