this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
