He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
