Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
