Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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