i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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