Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
