Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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