I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Two words: blizzard sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
