maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
