I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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