I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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