I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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