omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
