Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
