Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
