My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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