I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
