Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
