People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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