I like to think it a success when the cops are called
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
