I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
