Where is the hickey?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
