Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
