Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
