I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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