New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
