You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
