I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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