Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
