i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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