you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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