yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We left an ass print on the piano.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
