Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
