If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
