I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
