Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
