My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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