i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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