Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
